Heaven's Window

I am finally getting a blog started. I have been advised to do this by several friends over time, but with the events of my most recent past life, time did not allow much extra to spend doing such things. But I think it will be nice to be able to sit down after a long day and just share some of the things on my heart with whoever feels like reading them.
Yesterday I was blessed beyond description. The day was busy with getting things in order for my upcoming move which involved emails and phone calls and making decisions about this and that - all of which involved having my brain work hard. I was tired....So, I put the kids in quiet time and laid Lydia down for her nap. I then went into my room and shut the door. I got on my knees before my Father and put my brain on pause from everything else but Him. I have a group of favorite songs that I often play. I turned these on and just let the words soothe my heart. Then and there it was as if Jesus opened Heaven's window for me for just awhile for I felt His presence so strong. I hesitate even sharing this, for it was so beautiful to me that I can't rightly describe it. But I know I was blessed that day with a special gift from my Jesus. As the music played the tears came in great abundance. Each song I listened to was about Heaven and the longing and excitement to be there and to see Jesus face to face. I felt my heart be completely overwhelmed with love for my Savior...the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. And during that beautiful hour I felt His love upon me in such a powerful way. My mind went back to how He has never left my side for a moment my entire life. I can picture His form walking beside me....constant, faithful every moment. He drew me to Himself from the time I was a small child. He won my heart. And through the years of our time together He has taught me and grown me. He has showered blessings upon me as well as allowed trials both small and great to refine and purify my heart. Why, because of His "great love" for me.
I knelt there completely overwhelmed with the longing to see Him - to finally get to look into His eyes - to finally meet the One who has captivated my heart for as long as I can remember. I felt His peace as my heart was being refreshed.
The Lord is using the passing of my husband in so many ways in my own life and heart...beyond what I could ever have thought. It's as if my focus on the Goal has been intensified a thousand times over. He is coming soon, my friends. And He longs to return for His bride who is eager and longing for Him too. I feel a stirring, an awakening from deep within to be exceedingly faithful with His specific purpose for me upon this earth ....to train Jacob and my children to follow in His ways....to touch others with His great love..to follow Him with a heart that says,"I will trust You no matter what - even when I don't understand and when I don't know why"......for time is short. And when He appears, I want to have that joy unspeakable before Him knowing I gave Him my very best with the time He gave me.
What I felt yesterday during my moments with Him is only a small fraction of the grandness I will feel someday. To think that Jacob is experiencing this right now blows me away. Heaven has taken on a whole new meaning. I have been given a new awareness for how priceless the gift of eternal life is. Jesus gave His life so that someday He could spend eternity with us. And we can spend eternity with Him and with each other.
I know my husband has died, but he is still very much alive. It's so real to me that I feel as if I could almost pick up the phone and call him. Truly, he has never been more alive than he is right now. And as he walks those streets of gold I am sure we are on his mind and he can hardly wait til we too join him and get on to "really living." I know he thinks about the kids and me and I love that!


And now for a bit of an update on what the kids and I are doing:
I will be putting the house up for sale this week. I will leave all the furniture in place for showing. Then the kids and I will head up to Montana (where my parents are) and will be renting a furnished home there. I will use this time to see how things go and if that is where the Lord wants us to permanently relocate to. This will be an adjustment but once again, I know the Lord will be faithful and will be holding us every step of the way.

I miss my Jacob beyond words. I miss his voice. I miss his strong embrace. I miss his laugh. I miss his eyes........... But, as I look at his picture in our room here, I know I will one day be given another opportunity to have those things again! What a reason for JOY!