"One Year" 10/10/10
October 10, 2010
It has now been exactly a year since my love has gone to see His Jesus. One year…..one long year. Tonight as I was doing the dishes I was contemplating whether or not I was going to allow myself to think back on Jacob’s last hours. Every time I go there it puts a pain in the depths of my soul. It’s like reliving a nightmare that really happened. In fact, just the other morning, I was preparing for my day and my mind began to go back to those last dark moments he spent in this life. It instantly brought pain to my heart and the threat of a dark shadow to my day. Then suddenly I exclaimed out loud to myself, ‘Dawn, what in the world are you doing this for? Jacob certainly isn’t dwelling on those hurtful moments! He is not being tormented by their memory! So, why should you?”
So this first year anniversary of Jacob’s “Homecoming,” I decided there at the sink that it would be so much more uplifting and comforting to my soul to look back on his last breath through his eyes. That night we saw two totally different things. So humor me, would you, and let my make a stab at it. One day I will get the truly accurate version, but for now, this will have to do.
Jacob’s Account: During those last few hours of my life on earth I could feel myself drifting farther and farther away. I could hear Jesus talking to me. I began to see glimpses of the amazing new life that I was about to step into. Jesus was preparing to take me soon. I could just feel it. I began to grow impatient. I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. I longed to feel strong again. Sitting in my chair of sickness had grown so old and boring. Couldn’t we speed this up. “Just a few more hours,” I could hear the angel say……and then, it happened. All of a sudden, I opened my eyes and everything was so brilliant. Instantly, I felt strength that I have never know flow through every fiber of my being. I felt so refreshed and renewed. I thought to myself, “Uh oh, it happened! Dawn is not going to be happy!” But, I couldn’t help myself, I was thrilled beyond words! I knew that Jesus would take very good care of my girl and that it wouldn’t be long before she would be coming behind me.
Next I looked down at my body and it was clean and brand new. There were no signs of cancer at all. Oh, if only Dawn could see me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I began to run and leap and dance for joy. I felt wonderful…amazing…..fabulous. Just about this time I looked up and saw my King. He was standing there just watching me with this big smile on His beautiful face. I froze in utter awe of His Majesty. I didn’t know whether to fall on my face or jump up and down ..….and then, He opened His arms to me and I ran to my Jesus and threw myself into His arms of love. My heart was about to burst for joy. I was in the arms of my Savior. This had truly been the best day of my life. I was healed and safely home. “Thank you, my Jesus.” Jesus and I then turned and together with His arm around my shoulder, began to walk through one of the pearly gates. Right before we entered the glorious city, Jesus whispered in my ear and I began to smile when He said, “ Dawn and the children will be well cared for by my hand and before you know it, they will be here too.”
Words can not describe how deeply I love my Jesus. He has been so faithful and true. This last year I have felt more pain than I have ever known before. At times, it seemed to hurtful to even take another breath or walk one more step. Many a night I have cried in the darkness. The agony of my soul poured out through my tears. Day after day I have had to face without my soul mate right by my side. At times I would feel strong and then the grief would crash down on me like a tidal wave on an unsuspecting village. But, through it all, my Jesus has held me. For He has chosen “this cup” for the Jacob and Dawn Cole family to drink. But He does not ask us to do it alone. He will see us through to the end. His plan will be worth it all and will bring honor to His name. And one day we shall see the beauty of His master piece.
This is one of my lifeline verses that I have posted in several spots in my home.
“And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities……..in distresses, for Christ’s sake, for when I am weak then am I strong.”
1 Cor.12:9-10
Every day, from now till Jesus comes, I will live in the power of Christ. For in myself, I simply can not do it, but with Jesus in me, I CAN AND WILL.
Jacob holds my heart and always will. I miss my darling, beyond words. Caleb, Clayton, Lacey, Lydia and I talk of Heaven every day. It is always near to our hearts.
We love you Jacob – see you in Heaven!
