March 10th came and went.....the 5 month mark of Jacob's leaving us for Jesus. Part of me wanted to scream and cry and say, "This was NOT o.k. with me. This was not the plan that we had for our lives. We were going to go into full time ministry and serve God and win souls for Christ......but, instead Jacob is with the Lord full time (literally!) and I am all alone with the kids in the woods in Montana....What in the heck????"
But as I was in prayer last night with hot tears rolling down my face I was reminded of my prayer long ago and how it has not changed. Years ago as I looked at my life I remember praying, " Oh, Jesus - my goal in life is to live in such a way that when my feet touch the Glory Land and I look into your eyes for the first time that I would hear you say, 'Dawn, Well done, my good and faithful servant.' .....and this prayer poured out once again last night. Things may seem like they are going all wrong according to my plans....and I may not be in the full time ministry like I thought I would in the way I thought, but......I do still sit in the very palm of His hand in the center of His perfect plan for me. And that is sufficient for me. And so as the tears came I cried to Him once again that I would be found faithful in His eyes simply living out what He has asked of me.....and one day my heart's dream will come to pass. No greater joy than to finish WELL and to bring joy to the King of Glory.
Also, I was reminded that in my weakness He is strong. 2 Cor. 12: 9-10 Jesus answered Paul's request to remove the thorn in his flesh from him with, "My grace is sufficient for you. For My strength is made perfect in weakness." I know he spoke this with such love and tenderness. I can just picture the same with me. As Jesus holds me at times when I cry and may even ask why, He sooths my hearts and says, "Yes, Dawn, I know..but remember, my grace is sufficient for you. For in my strength you are strong."........Paul then goes on to say, "Most gladly will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me.......for when I am weak, then am I strong." Paul had caught the vision and realized that in his weakness God could be most seen and magnified. For then it was all Jesus in the purest form and his glory was not dimmed by the fog of human strength.....So, in the days ahead I can have the joy of His strength being seen, of His power resting upon me, of His glory being proclaimed... for in my weakness He is strong.