New Website

Hello All!!! I wanted to post this new website of mine. I will not be posting here as much if ever again. It is too much to keep up two sites. So, I would love to direct you to my new website. http://www.ayoungwidowsheart.com/

Have a blessed day in Jesus. Dawn

Get Ready to Light Your Lamp and Dance!

Get Ready to Light Your Lamp and Dance!

"One Year" 10/10/10

October 10, 2010

It has now been exactly a year since my love has gone to see His Jesus. One year…..one long year. Tonight as I was doing the dishes I was contemplating whether or not I was going to allow myself to think back on Jacob’s last hours. Every time I go there it puts a pain in the depths of my soul. It’s like reliving a nightmare that really happened. In fact, just the other morning, I was preparing for my day and my mind began to go back to those last dark moments he spent in this life. It instantly brought pain to my heart and the threat of a dark shadow to my day. Then suddenly I exclaimed out loud to myself, ‘Dawn, what in the world are you doing this for? Jacob certainly isn’t dwelling on those hurtful moments! He is not being tormented by their memory! So, why should you?”

So this first year anniversary of Jacob’s “Homecoming,” I decided there at the sink that it would be so much more uplifting and comforting to my soul to look back on his last breath through his eyes. That night we saw two totally different things. So humor me, would you, and let my make a stab at it. One day I will get the truly accurate version, but for now, this will have to do.

Jacob’s Account: During those last few hours of my life on earth I could feel myself drifting farther and farther away. I could hear Jesus talking to me. I began to see glimpses of the amazing new life that I was about to step into. Jesus was preparing to take me soon. I could just feel it. I began to grow impatient. I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. I longed to feel strong again. Sitting in my chair of sickness had grown so old and boring. Couldn’t we speed this up. “Just a few more hours,” I could hear the angel say……and then, it happened. All of a sudden, I opened my eyes and everything was so brilliant. Instantly, I felt strength that I have never know flow through every fiber of my being. I felt so refreshed and renewed. I thought to myself, “Uh oh, it happened! Dawn is not going to be happy!” But, I couldn’t help myself, I was thrilled beyond words! I knew that Jesus would take very good care of my girl and that it wouldn’t be long before she would be coming behind me.

Next I looked down at my body and it was clean and brand new. There were no signs of cancer at all. Oh, if only Dawn could see me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I began to run and leap and dance for joy. I felt wonderful…amazing…..fabulous. Just about this time I looked up and saw my King. He was standing there just watching me with this big smile on His beautiful face. I froze in utter awe of His Majesty. I didn’t know whether to fall on my face or jump up and down ..….and then, He opened His arms to me and I ran to my Jesus and threw myself into His arms of love. My heart was about to burst for joy. I was in the arms of my Savior. This had truly been the best day of my life. I was healed and safely home. “Thank you, my Jesus.” Jesus and I then turned and together with His arm around my shoulder, began to walk through one of the pearly gates. Right before we entered the glorious city, Jesus whispered in my ear and I began to smile when He said, “ Dawn and the children will be well cared for by my hand and before you know it, they will be here too.”

Words can not describe how deeply I love my Jesus. He has been so faithful and true. This last year I have felt more pain than I have ever known before. At times, it seemed to hurtful to even take another breath or walk one more step. Many a night I have cried in the darkness. The agony of my soul poured out through my tears. Day after day I have had to face without my soul mate right by my side. At times I would feel strong and then the grief would crash down on me like a tidal wave on an unsuspecting village. But, through it all, my Jesus has held me. For He has chosen “this cup” for the Jacob and Dawn Cole family to drink. But He does not ask us to do it alone. He will see us through to the end. His plan will be worth it all and will bring honor to His name. And one day we shall see the beauty of His master piece.

This is one of my lifeline verses that I have posted in several spots in my home.

“And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities……..in distresses, for Christ’s sake, for when I am weak then am I strong.”

1 Cor.12:9-10

Every day, from now till Jesus comes, I will live in the power of Christ. For in myself, I simply can not do it, but with Jesus in me, I CAN AND WILL.

Jacob holds my heart and always will. I miss my darling, beyond words. Caleb, Clayton, Lacey, Lydia and I talk of Heaven every day. It is always near to our hearts.

We love you Jacob – see you in Heaven!

The Beautiful Gift of Salvation

Today marks 10 months since my darling moved to his new and everlasting home. Isn't it wonderful that as Christians we can look at it like this. Death for us is not the final end of life but instead only the beginning of truly living!!
Tonight the kids and I put in a couple home dvds of daddy. It was truly wonderful to see him and watch him and hear him. So dear....so familiar. There he was - his laughing sweet self. Just as if he was in the room. It was so good for the kids and me. How much we MISS him.
Tonight as I was watching it hit me. I am so so so very blessed that every time our children tell me how much they miss daddy - that I can look them in the eye and say, " I know, me too...BUT, we WILL SEE HIM AGAIN!!" Not every one can say that to their children, sad to say, but all too true. I am overwhelmed by the gift of salvation that Jesus has freely given. It is truly a beautiful gift - priceless beyond comprehension. Jesus not only wants to see our joy in beholding His face for the first time, but also, to see our faces LIGHT UP when we see those we have loved in the past life. And he made it all possible on the cross of suffering for us...so that we don't have to but instead can live in paradise forever.
Listen to this, I Thes. 4:13 - 18 " But I would not have you to be ignorant brothers, concerning them which are asleep that you sorrow not even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with Him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord that we which are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from Heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trump of God. The dead in Christ shall rise first. Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words."
A glorious and wonderful day is coming for all those who are found in Jesus. And from looking at the world around us...I feel His coming is getting very close. Each and every day for us (the Cole family) is a whole lot brighter now that we have learned to walk in the present - with a constant excitement of eternity to come. What a delight! What a gift! What a joy!
Do you share in this same JOY? If not, Jesus extends this gift to you as well.....just waiting for you to take it. Please do not miss out on the joy that Jesus Christ has planned for you. It would blow your mind if you could see what Heaven is like - it is only an upgrade from the very best you have ever known in this life. Receive this beautiful gift of salvation.....do not wait until it is too late.

Jesus is Always Near

I am not sure if I mentioned before that our home in Idaho sold. Closing was June 3. I am very thankful to the Lord for the rather quick sale of our home in this economy. The kids and I spent a couple weeks worth of time back in Coeurd'alene packing up the house. It was a very emotional time for me. I look back on it now and am so grateful it is over with. I am confident that I made the right decision to sell......and yet, of course it was still hard to say goodbye to the home that started as such a fun "dream" for Jacob and me. As I walked throughout the empty house I was thankful that at least most the memories I was leaving there, were painful ones.......for, Jacob and I only lived there about a month and a half before the storm came crashing down around us. And yet, those walls that witnessed such intense sorrow and suffering, also bear testimony to the amazing sustaining grace of His Majesty our Savior and King. For, throughout Jacob's illness Jesus never left us....even for the slightest moment. And when the angels of the Most High came on Oct 10 to escort my Jacob to his Father's house, it was with great joy they entered those gates with him and presented him before the Lord. May I always think of it this way whenever I look back on this "dream" of ours that was cut short in this life only to give way to the next chapter in the book of the Master Planner. It's gonna be a good one, I know. And it's ending will ring with the glory of Jesus in having faithfully completed all He had purposed, just as did my man before me.
So with tremendous grace and strength from above I closed the door and left our home on Bardwell Dr.
Needless to mention, the kids and I were all rather exhausted when we arrived back home in Montana. It took us a few days to recover...they more quickly than I as children are so good at.
I have been given new strength in being a single mommy. The Lord and I had a parenting discussion soon after my homecoming. It is not an easy thing to not have Jacob here partnering with me in this great task as hand. It is once again another dream of ours that did not turn out the way we thought and had planned it would. But in my weakness and acknowledgment of my inability to do this on my own, Jesus has given me His strength. And when you are partners with the Master of all Creation, you will never fail. For "He gives power to the faint: and to them that have no might He increases strength....they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:29 & 31
I have also been greatly inspired with this thought that came to me one day recently, " I am taking care of Jacob's greatest treasure - his children - and what a great and precious way to honor my love that to do my very best at caring for them. And to the best of my ability lead them in the way of Jesus so that one day my Jacob will see his children again. What joy that will be to be able to present Jacob with his children again in the Kingdom of our God. It will be a moment of unspeakable happiness......." And so when the days get long and draining, I can think of my love for Jacob as I care for his greatest treasure. It will all be worth it to see them together again.
Our little Lydia will be one year old tomorrow (June 18). She is developing quite a personality. She often cracks us up by her stubbornness in not wanting to learn to walk. All the Cole children have walked well before a year old, but not little Missy. Oh no, she takes great delight in teasing us by promptly sitting down after we have balanced her and left her standing to make the few steps to walk to us. She may smile and laugh and try it (sort of - half heartedly)......but it's never top on her list. She does however love to climb up the stairs quick as a wink before you know she has even left the room. She enjoys snacks such as rocks and legos.......but prefers of course to find that missing jelly bean dropped by her older siblings. Her latest past time is to climb up and stand on the bathroom stool. It is right in front of the sink and so she holds on to the counter. Her little chin just reaches the top of the counter where she quite joyfully stands and sings to herself or pears around seeing what is within grasping range. There she remains contentedly that is, until she gets tired of standing and standing and standing...for you see, she can not get down on her own.....but, she has not problem letting us know she needs help....babies are so good at that!
Lacey turned 4 on May 12. She of course is rather proud of that accomplishment. She is quite the little chatter box........ never watch a movie with her for she will shower you with questions the whole time. I call her my little Snail for she takes forever to do simple things like eat her food at mealtime (that is unless it is ice cream or doughnuts), or get her PJ's on after bath time (because of course she can't decide which ones she wants to wear), or put her socks on when we are in a rush to leave (because not all the socks in her drawer are comfortable and she knows which is which)......the list could go on. And just for the record, no dress or skirt is even worth trying on let alone wearing if it DOES NOT TWIRL. Oh, and she is ghastly afraid of bugs...but especially spiders...even if they are dead.....because they may not really be dead at all, but only sleeping......ahhhhh!!! I do not have much patience for daughters who are afraid of bugs....She is truly a kick and I imagine Jesus and Jacob have a good laugh over her at times.
Clayton's mouth has healed completely. I do believe I reported about his fall and trip to the oral surgeon. He has found that his missing tooth has provided the perfect space to allow for the stick of a lollipop to fit through.....He did however manage to pick up a tick on his head somewhere here in the mountain forest.....actually probably from the fir trees in our yard. If any of you know about ticks, they must not be forced to leave without taking their head with them. That bugger would not let go, but with the help of a good friend, Clayton was finally freed of his little tag along.
Clayton is an amazing helper and whenever I have a job around the house that needs to be done well, I pick him. He had a great first year of Tball and enjoyed it very much. Kindergarten is coming up in the fall for him this year. I will then have two kids in home school. He is eager and ready to learn. I know he will do well.
Caleb is growing up so fast. I can hardly believe how big he is. He has two missing teeth in front and is just waiting for those big teeth to hurry up and grow in. They are not in any rush, apparently. He also had a super baseball season this year. Rain or shine, (which around here there was more rain than shine) he was ready to play. He will be going into second grade this fall. He does well and has a good head on his shoulders although I don't think he has as great an interest in it as will Clayton. Recently, Caleb has discovered the art of carving with his daddy's pocketknife. I finally let him have Jacob's little leather man's. I made sure he knew all the rules that went along with it, of course. He is quite proud of it. He recently had a beautiful dream of heaven and Jesus. I was so blessed to hear him tell me. Jesus is doing great things in our children.
Well, that is the report for now. I continue to press on every day knowing Jesus is by my side. Jacob is always in my heart. I love him more and more as time goes on. The bond we have has not been broken by death. Sometimes, I go outside and just throw my head back and look up into the depths of the sky and wonder what he is doing and what it all is like up there? I can hardly wait to be apart of it all. 1 Cor. 5:1-2,4,6-8 says it well, "For we know that if our earthly house of this tent be destroyed,we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven...For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life....There we are always confident, knowing that, while we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: (For we walk by faith and not by sight) We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord."
Also, one more thing. I want to be sure to add a thank you to you all. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers for us. Also thank you to those who send cards and gifts ($). Please know, I am always so very blessed and I truly want to be able to write each one of you and thank you personally. I have been working on that little by little. But in case I don't get a chance to write, please please know that how blessed I am for your love and support. Truly truly truly............

The Latest on Us

May has come to Montana and with it two inches of snow. I was quite shocked when I woke up to "white" outside! The kids had fun and it was completely gone by that afternoon....so, I guess it's o.k. It will be nice when it warms up for good though. Both the boys have started baseball and it's cold watching their games.........
I will try to give a quick update on our lives:
Our home in Idaho has sold. Closing is June 3. I will be returning to Coeurd'alene next week to start sorting and packing. Then I will come again right before closing to get everything out and moved to a storage locker there in town. We will continue to rent in Montana as we have been until our new home is finished. My plan is to buy the lot across the street from my parents home here in MT and build a house there. I will prayerfully proceed in this direction.
The kids are doing well. Caleb and Clayton have both started baseball, as I mentioned. They are really enjoying it. I am having fun watching them learn and grow. Their daddy would be proud and I believe is .....I think the Lord keeps him up to date on us (as much as would be appropriate anyway ).
Caleb has finally lost tooth number 4! This is a badge if honor to a 7 year old. And now, Clayton proudly wears his first badge as well. His however came rather prematurely to say the least. Last week he had quite an accident and did a face plant in our garage - he lost his balance while getting out of daddy's truck. I quickly ran around to his side just in time to see a screaming boy with a mouth full of blood. I got him calmed down with a cold wash cloth and then surveyed the damage. To make a long story short he was in to see the oral surgeon by that afternoon where he was stitched up in three different areas around and in his mouth. His front tooth was hanging and therefore the doctor just pulled it out. Praise the Lord, it was only a baby tooth!
Clayton did amazingly well and was very brave. Jesus was with him! ......
Lacey will be turning 4 very soon (May 12) and can hardly wait. She loves to talk about what her birthday party will be like. She is not much into the baseball thing, but would like to take swimming lessons again. She was taking them for awhile but when Jacob got sick we pulled her out. So, she is up for hitting the waves again!!!!!
And last but not least, Lydia, the little darling of the house - is doing great. She will be one on June 18 which is hard to believe. She is all smiles and some whimpering .....now that those teeth are coming in. She knows her daddy's picture and loves to reach out and touch it. She sometimes will even say, "da" when she sees it.
Then of course there is me. I am just the mom. The Lord continues to hold me and give me just enough strength for the day.... and then again for the next and the next and then next. It is not an easy path. It is often very hard, exhausting, and lonely - but He is taking me to a new place in Him that I have never known before. He has a plan and a purpose. I will keep trusting Him....not because everything in my life makes sense to me, but simply because I chose to honor Him in this way. For I do know without a doubt that all this makes perfect sense to Him who sees all and knows all and has planned it all to work for good in my life and the children. And as His coming draws closer by the day, He is at work purifying and refining me.........I have heard the hottest fires make the purest gold.....................All for His glory! And one day in His Kingdom, I shall gasp in amazement as my eyes behold the whole picture. It will be worth it all, I know. And Jacob will be there smiling with such joy knowing that together he and I fulfilled the Lord's calling for us during our lifetime!
Thank you all for still being interested in our lives. You are a blessing to us. Have a beautiful day in Jesus. For He loves each one of you more than you know.

March 10th came and went.....the 5 month mark of Jacob's leaving us for Jesus. Part of me wanted to scream and cry and say, "This was NOT o.k. with me. This was not the plan that we had for our lives. We were going to go into full time ministry and serve God and win souls for Christ......but, instead Jacob is with the Lord full time (literally!) and I am all alone with the kids in the woods in Montana....What in the heck????"
But as I was in prayer last night with hot tears rolling down my face I was reminded of my prayer long ago and how it has not changed. Years ago as I looked at my life I remember praying, " Oh, Jesus - my goal in life is to live in such a way that when my feet touch the Glory Land and I look into your eyes for the first time that I would hear you say, 'Dawn, Well done, my good and faithful servant.' .....and this prayer poured out once again last night. Things may seem like they are going all wrong according to my plans....and I may not be in the full time ministry like I thought I would in the way I thought, but......I do still sit in the very palm of His hand in the center of His perfect plan for me. And that is sufficient for me. And so as the tears came I cried to Him once again that I would be found faithful in His eyes simply living out what He has asked of me.....and one day my heart's dream will come to pass. No greater joy than to finish WELL and to bring joy to the King of Glory.
Also, I was reminded that in my weakness He is strong. 2 Cor. 12: 9-10 Jesus answered Paul's request to remove the thorn in his flesh from him with, "My grace is sufficient for you. For My strength is made perfect in weakness." I know he spoke this with such love and tenderness. I can just picture the same with me. As Jesus holds me at times when I cry and may even ask why, He sooths my hearts and says, "Yes, Dawn, I know..but remember, my grace is sufficient for you. For in my strength you are strong."........Paul then goes on to say, "Most gladly will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me.......for when I am weak, then am I strong." Paul had caught the vision and realized that in his weakness God could be most seen and magnified. For then it was all Jesus in the purest form and his glory was not dimmed by the fog of human strength.....So, in the days ahead I can have the joy of His strength being seen, of His power resting upon me, of His glory being proclaimed... for in my weakness He is strong.